Placement Schedules During COVID

• Lisa Derr
• April 24, 2020
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The work and social restrictions from the CDC and Wisconsin’s Safer at Home Order have caused dramatic changes to our work and personal lives.  We are in uncharted territory. What we do now during the crisis will help inform us on moving forward as we continue to face uncertainty. It is important to not to allow fear and uncertainty to be our decisions makers.  We need to still pause, take a deep breath when we make major decision or have difficult conversations regarding our children. Here’s advice for agreeing on placement schedules and other parenting matters during the COVID-19 crisis.

First, avoid getting trapped by the following assumptions.

ASSUMPTION #1:  Thinking COVID-19 pandemic requires a change to their custody agreements.

It’s easy to believe that due to the COVID-19, a change in parents’ placement schedules is needed. Perhaps you think your child’s parent won’t follow social distancing practices, or that this constitutes a “significant change” to revisit the issue. However, the Safer at Home order assumes and expects parents to continue following their placement and custody agreements. The Governor’s order includes travel for the exchange of children as essential travel. You must continue to follow your agreement.

However, the order also expects we all do our part in complying with social distancing guidelines. Do not dismiss another parent’s concerns about your compliance. Try not to be defensive.  Remember, the other parent wants the best for your child, just like you.  Answer their questions.  Assure them you too will keep your children safe.  Assurance builds a bridge to cooperation. While this is a health crisis, it’s also a scary time for kids. They need to maintain their emotional health, in addition to physical needs. Find a way to work with the other parent to maintain the child’s relationship with both parents.

ASSUMPTION #2: Expecting the court system to timely solve your disagreement/concern

For the time being, most courts are postponing hearings on matters unless they’re emergencies. This means most custody disputes, including denials or changing placement schedules without an agreement won’t get a court date for some time. When that time comes, Courts will have expected that parents were reasonable during this time, and put their children first. They’ll consider whether parents tried to work together, whether they were reasonable, and whether they failed to comply with health recommendations.

They’ll also consider the circumstances of the situation: If the virus outbreak grew more serious, that could play a role. However, without a true crisis, violating an order is unlikely to go over well. The mediation process can help parents work through their concerns and reach a schedule that helps to maintain their children’s safety and parental relationships.  You don’t have to meet in person; mediation can be done online with your phone or computer.  Derr & Villarreal, Attorneys and Mediators were doing online mediation for years before the COVID crisis.

Guidelines For Working Together To Keep Your Children Safe

Here are a few more ideas and tips for keeping your kids safe during this crisis.

What Are Your Commonalities?

Instead of focusing on the conflict or debate, zero in on what you agree on. You have a shared interest in your child’s safety and health.  One way to find and share this common ground is for each parent to share their proposals for parenting schedules at the same time.  Most times, you will find common suggestions in each parents’ proposals. These can form the core of a future agreement.

Work Together Even If You Have To Compromise

It might be tough, but it’s more important than ever to compromise to avoid unnecessary conflict. Communicate your concerns openly with the other parent and ask specific questions. Don’t make accusations and try to be reasonable with your solutions. Both parents’ concerns should be addressed. Assure each other that if there is missed time due to the pandemic, it will be made up in full later on. Be honest, and share information if you or someone close to the family has confirmed or suspected exposure to COVID-19.

Be Open to Doing Things Differently for Awhile

Finally, be open to uncertainty and the need for flexibility. Now is not the time to follow the order to a T, when the situation demands adaptability. Consider whether there are high risks in a household because of an occupation. Is there a person in a parent’s home with issues that need protection? Are there schedule changes to work that allow adjustments, or can a parent provide care while the other works? These small changes can provide a little flexibility to make things work. Be creative, and don’t be afraid to think outside your court order on how to maintain children’s relationship with parents during this crisis. This means more phone calls, texting and video chats with the other parent, and assurances of more in-person visits in the future.