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Mediator Cultural Competence: How to Be Above Average

Ninety-three percent of participants in a 1980 study reported that their driving was  “better than average.” 1 Similarly,

Bad Driver

“Bad Drivers” by corykrug is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0 it may not

be surprising if most mediators felt we were
“culturally competent.”
As I am just beginning to learn more, I may
not be “above average.” Nevertheless, I am
sharing what I have learned about cultural
competence thus far.

“Bad Drivers” by  corykrug  is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

Defining Cultural Competence

 Between the Parties
In a mediate.com article from 2011, David Aschaiek, Ph.D. describes cultural competency as facilitating discussion “across parties in spite of cultural differences that contribute to barriers to understanding.” He describes it as another “essential tool” in the “mediator toolkit.”


 Self-Reflection
For most of my practice, this was my understanding as well. But on further examination, we must also consider how mediators ourselves contribute to misunderstandings and conflict by either an unwillingness or incapacity to examine our own cultural biases. This self-reflective concept first began in the context of health care because of the consequences of a misdiagnosis as well as significantly undertreating an entire population. 2

 Not a Goal but Lifelong Process
Cultural competence sounds like an achievable goal (e.g. completing driver’s exam or passing a class in cultural differences.) However, according to Tervalon & Murray-Garcia (1998), it is not an event but more an active engagement in the life-long process of self-reflection and critique. In that process, we not only learn about another’s culture but start by examining our own beliefs and cultural identities (Tervalon & Murray-Garcia, 1998).

1 “Illusory superiority” is a cognitive bias where we humans overestimate our qualities and abilities compared to other people.
2 See Racial Differences in Glaucoma Care (Ostermann, 2005) found growing evidence of undertreatment in blacks and other minorities in other health arenas, especially surgical services, consistent with this concern of a potential disparity in access to and use of eye care services for glaucoma.

2 Cultural Humility
The authors discussed this ongoing process of learning in the context of physician training outcomes. How individuals continually self-critique as reflective practitioners is best described as “Cultural humility” (Tervalon & Murray-Garcia). Future doctors needed to identify and examine their “own patterns of unintentional and intentional racism, classism and homophobia.” Self-reflection as a core part of cultural competence expands beyond the medical community. Portman, 2009 examined self-reflection with school counselors for the purpose of mediating culture between students. It has also been studied in the context of supervisor/supervisory working alliances which improved with cultural competence (Crockett & Hays, 2016). The world-wide organization Preemptive Love 3 defines cultural competency in three ways. First understanding our own culture, beliefs, and assumptions; second, having a willingness to learn about another’s culture; and last, readily accepting and respecting those differences.

Examining Our Own Cultural Beliefs

It is hard to consciously analyze our own assumptions and unspoken rules about what is (and is not) socially acceptable in our speech, body language, gender roles, etc. In pre-screening, we should take a few quiet minutes after initial conversations to examine how we feel. Have our own assumptions been triggered? In examining them, we can acknowledge that our social norm may not be appropriate or accurate for them.

Willingness to Learn

Humility is necessary for learning from others. How can we be open? We can show respect and listen for cues.
 Correctly pronounce names. (Google is helpful by typing in “Pronounce X.”)
 Listen to how people refer to themselves including pronouns beyond “he” or “she.” This
includes “they” as a singular pronoun.
 Ask people how they wish to be addressed if we are not sure.
 Observe gestures and other nonverbal communications.

Empathize

It is impossible to fully understand someone else’s life experience, but it is valuable to try. Imagining their experience the way you have heard them describe it goes a long way toward understanding their culture and worldview.

3 Preemptive Love works across Iraq, Syria, Latin America, and the United States to reduce the risk and spread of war and to change ideas that lead to war.

3
Increasing Cultural Competence Outside of Mediation

Engage We need to engage and build relationships with the people around us who are different. We need to make eye contact, smile, and say hello. When we begin to ask questions with caring curiosity, people will believe us and respond. We should challenge ourselves to learn more about one culture. We can take classes to help us learn more about different cultures.

Show interest.

Whether it is dinner, a cooking or language lesson, or a special festival that celebrates their culture, go, and learn. Invite them to do the same in your world. You will both be better for having learned something new, and you will have fun doing it.

Listen

We listen well in mediation. But outside, especially in the current political climate, how often do we listen to someone with whom we significantly disagree? Do we accept our discomfort and just listen with no attempt to interrupt or persuade?

Assessing Our Own Attitudes and Biases.

Even without significant errors, the failure to self-reflect can prevent the best possible mediation. When I approached my first transgender mediation, I had not heard of cultural competence. The husband in the case was a now a transgender woman. I felt a sense of trepidation. While I had the best of intentions, my goal was merely to minimize errors that would distress her. I practiced referring to her current name and double-checked pronouns in the legal documents for accuracy. But I never reflected on my own upbringing and how my emotions might affect the mediation.

Now, I try to assess my assumptions and biases in every mediation to cultivate cultural competence.

Lisa L. Derr, UW Madison 1987, is a partner at Derr & Villarreal where she concentrates her
practice in family law litigation and mediation.

Betrayal to Growth

Finding Growth From Betrayal

“Sad” by clala1220 is licensed under CC BY-ND 2.0

Steven Dietz, an American playwright, said that betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. Our natural reaction is to pull back and never trust again. As a divorce mediator, I have seen people remain bitter for many years. They rarely experience joy.  Still, betrayal can be a strange blessing. Sometimes we can rebuild trust. It can lead to growth.

Michelle and Dennis Reina have done significant work on the issue of trust and in their book, “Trust and Betrayal in the Workplace: Building Effective Relationships in Your Organization” where they describe steps to rebuilding. These steps are critical to personal growth regardless of whether or not you choose to rebuild the relationship.

Awareness

Observe your feelings without judging them. You need quiet time to process. Step back and observe what happened from the corner of your mind. Allow those feelings to surface. This is extraordinarily difficult for some of us. We judge feelings of pain, humiliation and helplessness as “bad.” But feelings are neither good or bad. They just are. Acknowledged or not, our feelings are always with us. Burying them gives a false illusion of control. Unacknowledged, they influence us even more as we unknowingly make decisions based upon fear, worry and anger. To observe, we must first allow them to surface. This is not the obsessing that often happens after a negative experience where we relive the painful,

bitter moment over and over even when we’d prefer not to do so. This is choosing a quiet time in a safe place to experience the painful feelings of betrayal. Give yourself five minutes to fully experience these painful feelings. This is the first step to awareness and healing.

Get Support

Experiencing negative emotions is frightening for many of us. This is best done with an experienced therapist but an empathetic and no njudgmental friend or mentor is helpful as well.

“Depression/The Blues” by Joana Rojas – still here is licensed under CC BY-NC 2.0

Reframe the Experience

Beth Hevda, Ph.D. wrote, Betrayal, Trust, and Forgiveness, A Guide to Emotional Healing and Self-Renewal. She describes betrayal as a strong medicine, a real catalyst, the ultimate homeopathy, the paradoxical time when suffering accelerates personal development. In reframing the experience of betrayal, we choose to grow.

Tom Wilson wryly said, “Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” Reframing is challenging both emotionally and intellectually. It begins with an inquiry. How did this happen? How has it affected me? What have I learned? What lessons do I need to learn from this? Going through the process enlightens us.

Take Responsibility

I was betrayed and I’m responsible!? Don’t be too quick to judge. Take some time. Walk. Really think. What choices did we make that contributed to the betrayal? Was our trust justified? Did we miss signs that could have forewarned us? How did we react? Initially, did we overreact? Were we respectful? How could we have reacted? Most important, how will we choose to react in the future? The experience we had, however painful, is ours only to learn from. We do not grow by obsessing with others for pity or retaliation.

What about our own mistakes? So many betrayals are unintentional. How might we have betrayed those close to us? Do we expect to be rejected and constantly test people’s loyalty? Do we contribute to conflict being defensive? Are we so preoccupied with our problems and life that we are oblivious to the impact on others? Do we discount people, ignore them or run over them? Are we micromanaging? Have we missed deadlines, or failed to listen? We’ve all done this at sometime in our lives. Every one of us. We have to recognize it, apologize and forgive ourselves.

Choose Our Attitude

I listened to Shawn Achor, Ph.D. who wrote about our attitudes in “The Happiness Advantage Book.” Shawn notes that culturally we are taught that we will be happy once we are successful. He analyzed that concept studying Harvard undergrads. Shawn’s research proved that the opposite is actually true. Instead of waiting for success to become happy, choosing happiness first fuels success. When Harvard students found out they were accepted, they were elated.  But just a month into the first semester, they were miserable with stress, challenges and competition. They did what we all do. Once achieving “the goal” that defined success, instead of being happy, they set a new goal basing their long sought happiness on yet another target.

Total Forgiveness

Forgiveness must be total. This is critical. People either choose not to forgive because they don’t know how or only they forgive only a  superficial level or conditionally. Holding onto grudges costs more than they realize. Total forgiveness brings happiness.

Cost of Holding Grudges

Many choose not to forgive often because it was never modeled in their home. Instead of growth, they choose stagnation, “Well, I hold grudges. My whole family does.” People live diminished lives because of their inability to completely forgive. Instead of looking for solutions, they prefer to go to trial. “Even if I lose – it will be worth it.”

The financial cost of trial prohibits them from helping children with college or saving for retirement. Any satisfaction is short-lived and at the expense of their long-term happiness. Even more important, their obsession with their ex prevents them from establishing a new healthy  relationship with someone else. Untold second marriages fail because of the toxic, intimate connection with the first ex-spouse. It is like staying married to someone you know but despise. There is no upside.

Forgiveness is a Continuous Choice of Action

For the unwary, forgiveness is not merely speech but an active and continuing choice. There are those who say they forgive the betrayal but bring it up in every argument. It is not a statement repeatedly ignored but a way of living.

Forgiveness is Total

We’ve all heard people say, “I forgive you but I’ll never forget.” Is that total forgiveness? It is not when we consciously choose to keep the betrayal as a fresh memory which continues resentment. When we see another through the lens of resentment, it keeps us as a victim and we make the worst possible choices.

Another trap is conditional forgiveness. “I’ll forgive her if she apologizes. On its face it makes sense. Why should I forgive that person if she never apologizes?” Because forgiveness is not something we do for others. It is what we give to ourselves. By waiting for apology, we are held hostage to the very person who betrayed us in the first place.

“processing” by Rodrigo Vera is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Forgiveness is a Process

How do we do this when we do not feel like it? It takes time. We must have taken the time to reframe the experience looking at our responsibility and reframing our experience, Only then can we focus on how forgiveness is healthy for us and leads us to a happier life. It is what we want. Focus every morning not on the betrayal but on forgiveness.  “I want to forgive you” soon becomes “I will forgive you today.”

Move Forward

Once we are able to completely forgive, we gain the perspective to look past being victims. Finally, even though we have forgiven the betrayer, we must still decide if is this a person that we are going to let back into our life. We can open the door if we want to preserve the relationship and believe it is worthwhile.

Focus on the Positive

Shawn described “our single processor brain” which has limited resources to process the world. If we first scan for the negative, we have no resources left over to see the things for which we are grateful. But if we scan the world for the positive, we start to reap an amazing advantage. Our brains are more productive. Sales increase. Doctors diagnoses are significantly more accurate.  Given this research, it is critical to observe, reframe and learn not only for personal growth but as a core component of our personal happiness.

Make Conscious Decisions

But what if this person who has betrayed us shows no remorse, or repeatedly betrays us?  We do not have to let them in. We can consciously choose “no” to live a fuller life. Whether as a family member, ex-spouse or co-worker, we must choose carefully when and how we interact. In doing so, it is critical to communicate clearly and in writing (even by email or text). As we choose less interaction, we must still remain calm, respectful and empathetic rather than irritated, impatient and petty.

Sharing the betrayal with others is a toxic choice. I knew an attorney who told hilarious but demeaning stories of a judge even decades after he had died. With each story, he relived those betrayals which only fueled his bitterness and perpetuated his feeling of being victimized and helpless. Although the judge was long-dead, this lawyer chose to keep living in that judge’s courtroom.

In sum, we need to be fully aware of our feelings to reframing the betrayal experience taking responsibility and choosing total forgiveness. Only then can we change the experience of betrayal from a painful impediment to a catalyst for personal growth and happiness.

 

Paternity Process in Wisconsin-Brand New!

A brand new paternity process in Wisconsin went into effect on August 1, 2020. There were three ways to establish paternity in Wisconsin. But as of August 1, 2020, there are now four ways to determine fatherhood.

Marital Presumption of Paternity

We don’t think much about the first method. We just assume a child born to a married couple is the husband’s child. The law presumes that as well. Wisconsin recognizes the husband of a woman who gives birth as the legal father. This is probably the most used paternity process known as the “marital presumption.”

Acknowledgment of Fatherhood

This paternity process flows quickly. When a man signs an acknowledgement of paternity, it creates fatherhood without ever having a court hearing. These forms are at hospitals at the time a child is born.  After the form is signed, the hospital submits the information to Vital Records Services to establish paternity of the new baby. A father who is 17 or younger cannot sign this statement.

Will there be further orders of placement or legal custody? It depends. Are they an intact family? They are if the child and parents live in the same household. If so, the child support agency will not pursue any further orders. Still, the parties can themselves can bring a court action affecting the family. If they do, the order must cover a number of topics including legal custody and placement. It must cover financial issues as well. This includes support, health insurance, tax exemption, and health insurance.

Traditional Paternity Action

The traditional paternity process to establish paternity proceeds through the legal system. The legislature has changed this significantly over the years. It used to be quasi-criminal action. Until recently, the alleged father was called a “defendant.” It is now another family action similar to divorce. A party or the child support agency must file a legal petition. If the parent’s don’t agree, the court can appoint an attorney for the child. There are usually several hearings where the judge ultimately determines paternity.

Administrative Paternity Process

This is law is effective on August 1, 2020. It allows a child support agency can establish paternity. The development and passage took 10 years. First, someone must refer or a mother or possible father to the child support agency. A parent can also apply themselves for services. Second, there is a paternity interview to get background information. Based upon the interview, the child support agency can issue a subpoena for genetic testing. The subpoena will have specific information where and when to show up for a GT (cheek) swab.  If the mother refuses to appear, she could lose public assistance benefits. However, that will not be significantly used. A person who refuses to take a genetic test could also lose their drivers license. This too, we expect will be rarely used. Most likely, the agency will probably just start a traditional paternity action.

Due Process

Fourth, with some exceptions, the test results will conclusively determine paternity by sending results to Vital Records. But the new law made sure to provide due process. People will have two weeks to object before the child support agency sends the test results. The agency must send a notice. If the results are over 99% and no one objects, it will send the results to Vital Records. If someone does not agree, they must object in writing. A phone call won’t work. If they object within the two weeks, the agency will start the traditional paternity action. But the genetic test results will be admissible evidence.

 

Enforcing Child Support for Children

Enforcing Child Support Orders

Enforcing Child Support Orders

Child Support Guidelines

In Wisconsin, most family law cases with children involve child support to help with the cost of raising a child, such as food, housing, clothing, and daycare. In fact, Wisconsin is a leader collecting support far above the national average. Courts determine child support using the rules of the Wisconsin Support Standards (often called “guidelines.”) The legislature created these guidelines so that most people in a similar situation would pay the same amount of support. Courts can order support in divorce, paternity or even a guardianship. Once that order is in effect, parties must follow it. If they do not, the child support agency has many methods of enforcing child support orders.  The Wisconsin Department of Children and Families has excellent information on this and other topics. The same site also provides this information in Spanish and Hmong.

what to bring to a divorce consultationEnforcement Actions

Wage Assignment

There are numerous ways that a child support agency can enforce child support to be paid. The most obvious is a wage assignment. People do not think of wage assignments as enforcement. But it is one of the most effective tools to ensure the parent pays the amount due. Courts establish a wage assignment order so that child support is taken directly out of the payer’s wages. Many people stay up to date because of wage assignments.

Charging Interest

If the payer isn’t paying what they are supposed to pay, it is past-due support. If the amount past-due equals or is greater than the amount due in one month, then the state of Wisconsin charges 5% per month or 6% per year on any past-due support. For example, assume that a parent’s obligation is $500 per month and the parent owes $800. In that case, the child support office will charge interest on the past-due amount of $300.

Increasing Support Withheld

As another option for enforcing child support orders, the court can increase the amount withheld  up to 50% of the original support ordered. However, in the majority of counties, commissioners and judges rarely order such a significant increase. Courts more often order increases of 10% to 25% of the original order.

Child Support Agency Can Certify Denial or Suspension of a professional or driver’s license

Four requirements must be met for this significant enforcement action. First, a court didn’t previously prohibit license suspension. Second, there isn’t a different payment plan in effect. Third, the payer is listed on the Child support Lien Docket or there is a child support lien which is 300% or more of the monthly amount due or $1,000, whichever is greater.

If the agency notifies a parent that they will certify a denial of a license, the parent has several options. They can email or write the child support agency. They can ask for a hearing on the matter if something is incorrect. The parent could agree to an alternative payment plan. The best method would be to pay all the past-due support owed. The child support agency will stop the process if the parent takes one of these steps.

Lien Docket

The lien docket is an electronic list of all parents who have child support liens in Wisconsin. If the agency places a parent on the lien docket, it places a lien on their land or vehicles. In addition, because it is public, the child support agency will report the lien to credit bureaus. This could affect the parent’s ability to get loans.

Due to the financial crisis caused by COVID-19, Emergency Rule EmR2009 was created in May of 2020. This rule prohibited certifying new child support debts to the lien docket. Once the agency certified the debt to the lien docket, the agency had many more serious enforcement options available. However, on June 25, 2020, the Joint Committee for Review of Administrative Rules suspended that emergency rule. It did not comply with legislative intent which was to collect child support. They also found it imposed an undue hardship on custodial parents who still had children to clothe and feed.

In sum, in enforcing child support orders, the agency has significant enforcement tools. We didn’t even cover the agency intercepting (or taking) a tax refund. Therefore, it is much better to stay current in support.  If a parent loses their job, most will immediately tell the other parent. But it is critical to also notify the child support agency and the court in writing including that the payer is requesting a change in the order. Without a change, that support will continue to accrue.

 

 

Can you mediate your divorce

Can You Mediate Your Divorce?

Can you mediate your divorce
It is almost always better to mediate your divorce rather than spending three times as much on litigation with attorneys. However, there are some basic questions that must be asked.

Has There Been Violence in Our Marriage?

Types of Violence

Domestic Abuse is a significant issue in our society that we are only now beginning to address. Some experts feel that any violence at any time in the marriage will not allow you to mediate your divorce.  But there are different types of domestic violence. Michael Johnson’s 2008 book examines and discusses these different relationships. He found “situational couple violence” where both partners are violent and not connected to controlling the other. There is “intimate terrorism” which is the pervasive, controlling and sometimes violent behavior of one spouse toward another that most people think of when they hear the term “domestic violence.”There is “violent resistance” of the spouse who is actively resisting the other’s “intimate “terrorism.” Last there is “mutual violent control” by both parties to each other. Michael Johnson describes these types of violence at a conference in Stockholm.

Recent/Significant Violence

A mediator experienced in DV issues is capable of mediating a controlling relationship even one that may have had some violence episodes in the past. However, especially with “intimate terrorism” if the violence is significant and ongoing, the victim of that violence should contact an experienced family law attorney to litigate the divorce.

What Do I Know About Finances?

While no one likes to discuss money, the truth is that finances are a critical factor in your future after divorce. The decisions you make when you mediate your divorce will affect you for years. What do you know about them?

Awareness of Current Finances

In most marriages, one spouse generally pays the bills more regularly than the other spouse and then has a better sense of the couple’s economic situation. If you were not that spouse, do you know your assets and income for both you and your spouse? This includes your home, bank accounts, investments as well as debts and living expenses. If you do, you should mediate your divorce.

Ability to Learn About Finances

The first place to get information is by asking your spouse. Often they will readily provide significant information. It is good to ask to see underlying data so that you have a better understanding. Your spouse may not respond or they may refuse to provide the underlying documents (including online statements.) Some people feel guilty looking for financial information without the permission or knowledge of their spouse. However, it is appropriate and necessary to find out this information.  If you do not know and your spouse is unwilling to share and document your financial situation, read our blog about finding your financial information for divorce.

How Long Have I Been Married?

If you have just recently been married (less than two years), you may not need a mediator. This is particularly true if you have no children and are merely dividing up wedding presents. However, if you have been married only a short time but have had a decade-long relationship that involved buying a home together and/or having children, it would be beneficial for you to mediate your divorce.  
Becoming a Paralegal In Wisconsin

Becoming a Paralegal in Wisconsin | What Does It Take?

Becoming a Paralegal In Wisconsin

A paralegal assists lawyers in a range of tasks to support their legal work on cases of all kinds. From researching statutes and collecting information, to drafting legal documents, briefs and correspondence, paralegals play a critical role in maintaining a functioning law firm. Curious about joining the career? Here’s our advice on becoming a paralegal in Wisconsin.

Education & Schooling

Any path to become a paralegal starts with a strong educational foundation. You’ll need a high school diploma or G.E.D before you start to consider additional training options:

  • An Associate Degree in Legal Studies or Paralegal Work takes 2- 3 years to complete
  • A Paralegal Certificate Program can provide additional knowledge specific to what you’ll need on the job.
  • A Bachelor Degree in Legal Studies or something similar also qualifies you for more advanced work.

Skills Required for Becoming a Paralegal in Wisconsin

Paralegal work isn’t for everyone. There are a few different skills that make the job easier to do. Here are some of them to consider when deciding if this is the career for you.

  • Detail-Orientation: You are a strong editor and make sure details are taken care of correctly.
  • Multi-Tasking: You can handle multiple tasks and responsibilities at any given time.
  • Computer-Savy: You know how to use Microsoft Office and can learn to use new software.
  • Well Organized: You can manage your work tasks, deliverables, priorities, etc.
  • Good Communication: You keep your managers in the loop as necessary and work well together.
  • Flexibility & Adaptability: You can shift your work at a moment’s notice as new needs arise.

Pick an Area You’re Passionate About

There are many different areas of law. As a paralegal, it is often recommended that you focus on an area of law that you’re most passionate about. These focus areas include:

  • Family Law
  • Civil Law
  • Criminal Law
  • Immigration Law
  • Constitutional Law
  • Business Law
  • Elder Law
  • Employment Law

More Resources for Becoming a Paralegal in Wisconsin

Considering becoming a paralegal in Wisconsin? Remember to start with a strong education. Then consider the skills you need to develop to fill out your resume. Finally, make sure you pick an area of law that you’re passionate about. Here are several additional resources on becoming a paralegal in Wisconsin to help you on your journey. Best of luck!

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wisconsin divorce & family law resources

Wisconsin Divorce & Family Law Resources | Helpful Tools & Articles

wisconsin divorce & family law resources

Are you faced with entering the legal system of family law? Do you feel lost with a mountain of
questions and no idea where to start looking for answers, resources, or information? Here is a list of helpful resources and tools to help you navigate the system and answer some of your questions:

Wisconsin Divorce & Family Law Resources – Research

Wisconsin Court System

Circuit Court Websites

Circuit Court Fees

Search for an Interpreter

Wisconsin Circuit Court Access (CCAP)

State Bar of Wisconsin

Wisconsin State Law Library

Wisconsin State Law Library A-Z Topics

Wisconsin State Law Library Legal Assistance Resources

Wisconsin State Legislature

Wisconsin Statutes Chapter 767-Actions Affecting the Family

Free Legal Answers

Other places to find legal help and information

Wisconsin Department of Workforce Development

Legal Dictionary

Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Wisconsin Divorce & Family Law Resources – Child Support

Guide to Parents’ Rights & Responsibilities

Child Support Reference Guide

Apply for Child Support services

Guide to Paying Child Support

Ways to Pay Support

Payment Coupon

Checking Your Payment/Account Information

Create an Account with Child Support Online Services

Direct Deposit vs. Debit Card

Direct Deposit Enrollment Form

Job Loss & Child Support

Guide to Parent Resources

Wisconsin Divorce & Family Law Resources -Domestic Violence

Safe At Home – Wisconsin’s Address Confidentiality Program

WI Department of Justice Tips on Restraining Orders

Register to be notified when a Temporary Restraining Order has been served by law enforcement

Taxes & the IRS

Release/Revocation of Release of Claim to Exemption for Child by Custodial Parent

Social Security

Check your benefits

Benefit Estimates Quick Calculator

The ten-year rule

Name Change Form

Wisconsin Divorce & Family Law Resources – Self care

First Call for Help: IMPACT provides the means for people to take the first step toward regaining stability

Mend: The #1 Self Care App For Breakups & Divorce

IveMovedOn.com

Her Soul Repair: Healing from the Brokenness in Marriage

Divorce Force: Online Divorce Support Groups and Resources

Survive Divorce: Support Through Every Stage of Divorce

Zoom Tools for Online Meetings

Download Center

Zoom Scheduler for Google Chrome Browser

Zoom Scheduler for Firefox Browser 

Zoom Mobile App for iOS for iPhones and iPads

Zoom Mobile App for Android phones and tablets

Wisconsin Divorce & Family Law Resources – Other Tools

Date and Time Calculators

Nerdwallet-Financial research into the best credit cards, bank accounts, investing, mortgages, loans, insurance, etc. Includes many helpful calculators.

YNAB Budget Tool

YNAB Quick Start Guide Video

Online Parenting Class: Children In Between Online

Our Family Wizard Co-Parenting Communication Tool

iPhone and Android Apps for Printing Text Messages

Android App for scanning documents to PDF

iPhone/iPad App for scanning documents to PDF

KBB for Vehicle Values

Timeshare Values

Heavy Equipment Values

NADA Guides to value autos, motorcycles, RV’s, boats, classic cars, manufactured homes

Collector Car Values

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Divorce in Wisconsin

Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce in Wisconsin

When you are considering divorce it is normal to feel confused. Due to legal jargon, family law can feel very complicated. We put together some of the most frequently asked questions about divorce in Wisconsin to help answer these general questions.

Frequently Asked Questions About Divorce in Wisconsin

Before we go through these frequently asked questions about divorce in Wisconsin, remember to talk with an attorney before you make any major legal decisions.

Q: What are the grounds for divorce in Wisconsin?

In Wisconsin the court must find that the parties have “irretrievably broken” their marriage and that the there is no chance of reconciliation.

What do Judges think about mediating cases

Q:What is the difference between a divorce and a legal separation?

The testimony is different. After the final hearing of a divorce, two people are single. They can remarry six months after that final judgment.  In Wisconsin, at the final hearing of a legal separation, the court must find that the parties have “broken” their marriage but not “irretrievably.” There may be a chance of reconciliation. After the hearing, they are not single. They are also not married. They are legally separated and may not marry anyone but each other.

One spouse has to reside in Wisconsin six months before filing any divorce papers.

The first step in the divorce process is filing a petition for divorce.  If they file together, they will use a joint petition. The petition lets the court know that one or both parties want a divorce.  It provides the court basic information such as their names, addresses, when they were married, and where they live and work. The petition will also state the children’s names and basic information. If the parties do not file jointly, then the petitioner must file a summons and petition. They must legally serve their spouse.

There is a mandatory 120-day waiting period in Wisconsin during which your divorce can not be finalized.  If you and your spouse have a written agreement on all issues in your divorce you can finalize your divorce following the 120-day waiting period.  If you and your spouse do not have an agreement, the time frame will vary based on how long to come to a settlement. Once you have agreed, it may take more time to get a final hearing in a more populous county.

A guardian ad litem is an attorney the court appoints to represent the best interest of the children. The guardian ad litem may fully participate in any hearing before the court and may make recommendations regarding custody, visitation and child support. They will advocate for the best interest of the children.”

If a woman wants to resume using her maiden name or a former legal name, the court will restore it. If she wishes to continue to use her married name, she may do so.

A temporary hearing will determine how to share your children on a temporary basis. The court will also determine financial issues such as maintenance, child support and debts. This will be the Court Order both parties will follow until the final divorce hearing or they have another temporary hearing. A Family Court Commissioner will preside. If one party feels the court decided wrongly, they can request a do over called a “De Novo” within 30 days so that a judge decided the same issues.

At the hearing you will tell the Family Court Commissioner what you want the court to order regarding children, who temporarily lives in the home and financial issues until you finalize your divorce. If you have children, the commissioner address legal custody, placement and child support.  The comissioner will also address maintenance, debts, medical expenses, property (real estate, vehicles, and personal items), and taxes.

In Mediation, a trained neutral mediator in dispute resolution techniques helps parties find a settlement for their issues. They will facilitate the discussion but the parties themselves will decide how to settle their issues.

Couples only need to agree that they want to try mediation.  They do not have to agree on anything else. In fact, they can disagree on how to divide their property, how to share their children and every other issue. When people settle their issues before issues it can hurt the process. Once you agree, we’ll set up a date for your first session.

Wisconsin child support

Placement Myths & Facts Part 2

After decades in practice, we hear all kinds of misinformation about how parents share their children. If you have the wrong facts, you’re going to end up with a poor outcome. Here are four of the most common Wisconsin myths about placement schedules.

MYTH: I can sign my child up for activities during the other parent’s placement time.

Generally, both parents should decide their child’s activities. Parents need to communicate about any activity that overlaps placement. For example, before signing up, it is best to first check with the other parent. But it is important for your child to go to social events (like a birthday party) no matter which parent they are with.

At the same time, parents need to be reasonable. Children need continuity between their parental homes. It is critical to think about what is best for the children. Try not to let your relationship issues cloud your judgment. This will allow your child to have varied experiences in their community.

MYTH: I am remarried so I should have more placement time because my spouse can help with childcare.

This myth is pervasive. Some feel that if the spouse can help, they should have the child much more. But Wisconsin wants to maximize the time with each parent. The court will not favor a stepparent over a parent. Unless the parents agree, a change in a parent’s marital status (remarriage or divorce) is not enough to justify a change in the schedule.

Wisconsin child support myths

MYTH: Each parent gets 50% placement time with the children.

It is not automatic that each parent has the same amount of placement time. The court must consider many factors to decide  children’s placement schedule. These are described in our FAQ’s about Child Custody.  Wisconsin supports regular meaningful periods with both parents. That does not mean it is equal. To maximize time, a court will consider parents’ work schedules and how close the parents live to each other. Other factors include parents’ communication and a child’s emotional needs.

MYTH: My teenage son doesn’t have to go to his father’s home because they do not get along.

Most parents have communication/parenting issues with teenagers. It is not uncommon for a teenager to have tension in a parental relationship whether they are in an intact family or a divorced family.

All parents want to have great relationships with their children long after they are adults. Reducing the parent who is in conflict with your teenager may help in the short term. But it doesn’t help resolve the underlying relationship issues. This is especially true if the parent with more time does not support the relationship.  A child and parent need to maintain a predictable schedule to work through their relationship difficulties. No one is perfect. Rather than reducing time, family counseling will lead to a better relationship in the long-term. Going to court is a last resort. Before making any major legal decisions, remember to talk to an attorney or try divorce mediation.

What do Judges think about mediating cases

What Do Wisconsin Judges Think About Mediating Cases?

What do Judges think about mediating cases

This article was originally posted on the Wisconsin State Bar website here.

To increase access to justice, the State Bar of Wisconsin’s Dispute Resolution Section celebrated Mediation Week the third week of October under the direction of the section chair, Jim Reiher.

Mediators volunteered around the state to raise awareness. While initially successful, over time volunteers spent the day waiting for only one or two clients.

The Dispute Resolution Mediation Week Committee consisting of attorneys Amy Koltz, Lisa Derr, and Jill Hamill Sopha stepped back to discuss the status of mediation in Wisconsin. How could we better meet the objectives to raise awareness and increasingly use mediation? How was mediation currently being used across the state?

With the support of the chair, the Dispute Resolution committee partnered with Resolute Systems Institute (RSI), which had already done extensive work on judicial surveys.

What do Judges think about mediating cases?

The committee requested financial assistance from other state bar sections. Three contributed to the $6,500 cost including Litigation, Labor & Employment, and Appellate sections. The Wisconsin Association of Mediators contributed as well.

At the same time, the Planning and Policy Advisory Committee (PPAC) –  which advises the Supreme Court and Director of State Courts on planning initiatives –  had formed a subcommittee on using mediation in Wisconsin.

It naturally followed that Dispute Resolution committee partnered with RSI and PPAC1 to coordinate and distribute a survey to all 249 Wisconsin judges addressing:

  • The availability of mediation across the state;

  • The need for mediation in their respective counties;

  • What supported or impeded mediation;

  • Judicial referrals of cases to mediation and to specific mediators;

  • Views on benefits and suitability;

  • Whether perspectives differed based upon the practice area.

Main Findings

The committee was gratified to receive a 54 percent response rate from 134 judges covering 55 of 72 counties. The survey also divided responses into four practice areas to see how responses might vary based upon different practice areas.

The areas were consolidated to: personal injury; contracts/business; family financial (e.g. division of property & child support); and small claims.

The main findings of the judicial survey are:

  1. As a group, judges view mediation positively, seeing more than one benefit and would use it in a variety of situations.

  2. Mediation is generally available, but not widely accessible or used.

  3. Mediation is most needed for family financial and small claims cases.

  4. Personal injury cases had the least need as most judges refer more than half of those cases to mediation. Not surprisingly, the highest judicial referrals were also for personal injury cases. Most of those referrals were to attorney-mediators and to mediators who are former judges.

  5. Judges perceive structural barriers to greater mediation use. In order of importance is the lack of funding, the cost to litigants and the lack of mediators. Attitudinal barriers were least cited as an obstacle. In fact, judges cited attorney interest as a major support of mediation.

Some findings applied across case types. A majority (60 percent) believe that the traditional litigation system is not enough. Most (57 percent) believe there is an unmet need for mediation as an alternative or addition to the system, especially for family financial issues and small claims. Remaining judges (43 percent) felt that their counties’ need for mediation was being met.

Only 26 percent saw a need for personal injury cases, consistent with the finding that most believed that the need for mediation of personal injury cases was being met.

The majority feel there is an unmet need mainly for mediating family financial cases and small claims.  One obstacle was a perceived lack of mediators.

The primary perceived obstacle for using mediation is insufficient funding and the second is the cost to litigants. This could mean that private mediators are available but not necessarily affordable and we lack funding sources to bridge that gap.

On a positive note, when asked about what supports mediation in their county, judges felt that attorney attitudes were not obstacles but a major support for mediation.

Just over three-quarters of judges felt that ordering mediation strongly supported that form of dispute resolution. Almost two-thirds of the judge felt that the availability of skilled mediators supported mediation.

As expected, there were discrepancies across the state about the availability of mediators. When judges were asked globally about support for mediation in their county, the third most cited support was the availability of skilled mediators.

Yet, in counties where there was an unmet need, judges cited the lack of trained mediators as an obstacle. This reflects that the number of trained mediators is a critical factor in judicial opinions of mediation availability in their respective counties.

On a side note, 13 of the 55 counties (24 percent) were unsure of the availability of mediation in one or more of the four areas (personal injury, contract/business, family financial and small claims.) This may indicate a need to connect/identify resources across the state.

As for referrals, while most judges who responded refer over half their PI cases to mediation, only 14 percent of judges do so for family mediation and even less (6 percent) refer more than half to small claims cases to mediation.

Most judges felt that family financial mediation was available in all counties (although judges in four counties were not sure).

Based on this information, there are issues regarding both mediator availability and lack of complete information. For the latter, judges could be provided lists of resources for trained mediators (e.g. Mediate.com or the State Bar Dispute Resolution Section).

Another follow up might be to contact at least one judge in counties with no judicial response to follow up on their potential need for information.

To increase availability, future efforts could focus on structural issues such as funding for mediation programs. There may be discussion with interested counties about implementing a mediation program based upon need.

Issues Not Addressed

To minimize survey length as well as financial constraints, there were several issues not addressed, including:

  1. How judicial rotation impacts awareness of mediation when rotating into a new docket. Perhaps some judges are not familiar with how mediation might be available for certain case types. 

  2. The advisability of mediation for financial issues in divorce when domestic abuse is present.

  3. Differences in ordering mediation to pro se parties versus those represented by counsel.

  4. Perceptions of the most appropriate timing to order mediation in a case (e.g. before or after discovery or a final pretrial conference).

  5. This survey was taken before COVID-19 and did not address the judicial opinion of online dispute resolution (ODR) which has since exploded as a significant method of mediation across the country.

  6. Wisconsin attorney perceptions of these issues and how those answers differ from the judiciary.

Conclusion

With interesting additional comparisons not here addressed, the judicial survey is worth a thorough or even casual review. But it is just the beginning. The Dispute Resolution Section is continuing to follow up on the structural needs for mediation in Wisconsin as expressed by the judiciary including lack of funding, the cost to litigants and the lack of mediators. We are following up to provide information about available resources to the judiciary.

The Dispute Resolution Survey committee sincerely thanks those who provided critical assistance. This includes Jennifer Shack, Director of Research at Resolution Systems Institute, who spent hours helping us tease out the specific information as well as eliciting that as efficiently as possible for busy judges. We also thank Ann Olson, Policy Analyst, Office of Court Operations for her valuable insights and connecting us to the work done by the Planning and Policy Advisory Committee. Last, we are grateful to our supportive chair, James Reiher.

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